I was feeling particularly dark one Sunday, but even inside those darkest days there was a light on inside trying to guide my way.
I was sitting in Relief Society (women's meeting at church), looking through mentally dark lenses, hoping to be invisible. Not much was penetrating my blackness until I heard another sister in the class say that she struggled with depression until someone told her to read 1 Nephi (in the Book of Mormon) and she would find the answers, and she did read and she did find answers. It was as if her little comment in class was highlighted in my mind. It was the only thing I heard. I determined to search 1 Nephi for answers.
I've read 1 Nephi who knows how many times, but this time God opened my eyes to new insights. I was shown that Laman and Lemuel made certain CHOICES, and because of their choices they lost the Spirit of the Lord. Nephi, who was having the same difficult experiences, made CHOICES that helped him to keep the Spirit of the Lord. No doubt their situation was outright hard. I related to Laman and Lemuel, but I wanted to feel like Nephi.
The story of Lehi’s family is full of examples of choices and the
subsequent light and darkness. A few
examples from the story of Lehi’s family:
In 1 Nephi 2:11-13 we see that Laman and Lemuel are going through
a very difficult trial. They have left
their hometown, their big and comfortable house, friends and status, and their
cool stuff to live out of a tent in the wilderness. They think their dad is a lunatic and they
are really struggling with this circumstance.
They feel anger and resentment and they are complaining…a lot. V. 12 says they complained because “they knew
not the dealings of that God who created them”.
They weren’t taking the time to turn to God, or to consider that his
hand might be in this difficult trial, and that there might actually be purpose
to all that they are struggling with.
There wasn’t humility enough to step back and see the situation from a
different lens. They were really only
thinking about themselves and what they wanted, not what God wanted.
God often asks hard things of us.
The whole purpose of this life is to become like him, and if we are
seeking that end we can expect some rough waters. We can be GRATEFUL for the rough waters. We can submit in humility, and seek the
Savior’s grace to successfully pass through them.
Laman and Lemuel are stuck in their lens. And their lens is selfish, prideful, and
ungrateful, all of which produce lenses that will invite darkness.
Continuing on with the story of Lehi’s family, when Lehi tells
Laman and Lemuel the Lord has commanded them to return to Jerusalem to get the plates
of Laban complain that it is too hard (1 Nephi 3:5). In truth it IS too hard for them on their
own. But it is the Lord’s errand. Nephi sees that and gives us his trusting
reply in v.7, “I will go and do…”
Nephi was young in his testimony and shows a tremendous amount of
faith and TRUST in the Lord. He doesn’t
know how it will be done, he just knows that the Lord will help him do it. A few chapters later he testifies of his
knowledge that the Lord will provide the way (1 Nephi 17:3), right around the
time he is commanded to build a ship.
Trusting that God is all-powerful and all-knowing changes our
PERSPECTIVE on hard things. Trusting
gives us strength and comfort, and actually gives us power to do things we
couldn’t do on our own. It invites light into our souls.
Unspoken throughout these chapters, but assumed from Nephi maintaining light and the Spirit of the Lord is that he repented, often. He kept himself pure and holy.
Also unspoken is resistance. When we complain and are ungrateful and are not trusting we are resisting What Is. If What Is is God's will for us, then we are resisting God. This resistance invites darkness and gloom into our lives. At this time in my life, I was resisting. I was ungrateful. I was not trusting that God knew what was best for me or else he would change my circumstances!
But my eyes were being opened.
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