Depression - Part 1

As I created years of blog books before Christmas, I remembered that behind the smiling children and sunny scenes was a very real struggle with depression. While I believe it is a good thing to capture and remember all that is wonderful in life (because that is mostly what we remember, right?), I want to share what I learned along the way in hopes that it might help someone else. And I always want to remember God's deliverance.

It started with post-partum depression when Adele was born and lasted eleven months straight. That was a dark and hard year. During that year my dad saw my struggle and paid for me to have a life coach. That was an amazing experience (a post for another day). I learned a lot about myself, some habits and patterns of thinking I had developed, and crucial improvements in living the gospel principle of agency. That life coach coached me right out of depression.

Geoff and I learned a lot through the process of that post-partum year and put many things in place for the birth of Ceci, such as having someone come take the girls two afternoons a week so I could get a break, a cleaning lady, healthier eating, social interactions, exercise and when possible, naps. The post-partum only lasted two months with Ceci. We tried to keep as many of those support systems in place when the girls were tiny and Geoff was traveling non-stop, and for the most part we kept those dark days at bay.

For ten years I struggled off and on. It seemed to be cyclical, me being most vulnerable with my menstrual cycle, but it would last for weeks and sometimes months during our magical years in Auburn. Geoff wanted me to go on medication. My moods were affecting the family in a negative way, and wouldn't medication be a great solution? But I resisted medication. I like figuring things out naturally. I like to get to the bottom of WHY things aren't healthy and balanced. At times when I contemplated medication I felt a calm assurance that it was important for me to fully feel depression so I could relate to people in the future. When I wasn't in a deep, dark hole I prayed for deliverance. Answers or change of circumstances didn't come, so I staggered on. For ten years.

And then the heavens opened and showed me WHY I was depressed. It happened over a couple of months time, and since then I have not struggled. Sometimes depressive thoughts come, but I now know what to do.