Empty Space

The reality of Tennie moving out hit me hard yesterday. I spent the morning cleaning the walls and baseboards of her empty room (as Ceci will move in soon). I paused to take this in.

And I stood a moment absorbing this.

As I made my way around the room I came across this drawing by Ceci on the far side of Tennie's bed, at bed level. I had noticed a drawing was there before, but I had never really looked at it. But this day I did.

Ceci had left it for Tennie the day we left for Cambodia without her.

As I scrubbed, I thought about raising Tennie. It wasn't always easy; often we butt heads. I remembered the ways I used to worry about her, the ways I was critical of her weaknesses, and sometimes even her strengths. I reflected on how I wish I would have done many things differently as her mom. I've talked to Tennie recently about these things. I've asked her forgiveness for my mistakes.

I thought I had already mourned her leaving, as we had conversations about her moving out months ago, and we ended up traveling without her for so many months. I had already made a decision to let her go; I knew it was time for her to make choices, learn from them, and work out her own life moving forward. It took some wrestling to accept that my parenting role needed to change. This was all a process and ultimately a choice. It was hard emotional work for me.

I know Tennie was God's before she was mine, but I felt a deep sadness that my short time with her was over. Thankfully I will always hold the role of her mother, but my application of that role has changed, and I was again mourning the end of her childhood. I feel a large void, an empty space in my heart and life, just like that empty room in our home.

I guess Tennie and I are both facing some growing up pains, just different phases. Both of us have a large empty space to fill with new experiences and relationships. Both of us have unknown things to learn, and new experiences to have. I'm allowing myself to feel the emptiness for now, but soon I will begin to explore how to fill the empty space with new interests.

Before I go, let me share a note I wrote to Tennie as part of a church class this past Sunday. It attempts to capture her great soul.

For over 18 years I have watched and marveled at your powerful, indomitable spirit. You were born ready to take on the world. Your enormous spirit seemed to want to burst out of your small body.

Your creativity and imagination, mixed with your leadership and kindness, and your extraordinary people skills, made you overwhelmingly mighty from the beginning. Your sense of adventure was evident from the time you rode around in the Baby Bjorn, the summer we lived in Chiapas, Mexico when you were 3-6 months old, pumping your arms and legs excitedly, smiling and making eye contact with every single passerby. You skipped right over the separation anxiety stage, as you were born with a gift of independence. Watching you throughout your childhood was like watching a master artist who would experiment with different elements of the world to create new masterpieces. It was messy, often loud, and always a magical and exciting process. 

I've had the opportunity to sit on the front row for 18 years, and now your'e off to a new stage with new audiences - bigger and better. Listen for me, I'll be cheering at a distance.

As hard as it is to let her go, I can't wait to watch the future she and God will create together.

Tennie is Flying!

After a lifetime of dreaming, months of studying and applying, and weeks of preparing and packing, Tennie is officially a freshman at BYU!

We were concerned her stuff wouldn't fit into her small dorm space, but it did.

Getting it all in the car was a little squeezy.

It was strange for her to see her old stuff (and some new stuff) in a different space. I don't remember the feelings of moving out on my own, but I was reminded what a big deal it is and how much courage it takes.

In all the preparations and hoopla there wasn't really time to process the reality of it. We're all just so excited for her. While nervous, she is so excited too.

We went out to dinner with Davey and Erica and kids. They will be a great resource to her in Provo. And her roommate didn't show up on move-in day, so we didn't get to meet her.

We left her in the evening as she was meeting up with a few girls we had met earlier to go to an opening dance/social. These next few days are orientation and a lot of social engagement. Classes start on Tuesday.

Go Tennie Go!

Preparing to Launch

Tennie has been packing up her childhood. Items she has treasured for years are suddenly stuffed into a bag and piled up to take to Goodwill. Creative stories, stuffed animals, keychains, shells, books and photos, clothing, and souvenirs from our many adventures over the years have been remembered, loved one last time, sorted and piled. It is an emotional process closing up your first chapter called childhood, and yet, it opens up physical and emotional space for the next exciting chapter to unfold.
In Tennie's case, she is losing her bedroom, as Ceci will move in, so she really is keeping only ONE bin of treasures. She's very sentimental, so I've admired her courage to let so many things go.

She's also been spending hours setting up a new, independent life by applying for scholarships and loans, figuring out health insurance, registering her bike, buying books, getting an ID card, new banking, and a host of other minutia a new freshman must do.

We went to the BYU campus on Saturday to map out her classes.

The leaves are just starting to turn on the mountains. I'm pretty sure Fall on the BYU campus is one of the best memories for BYU students! Geoff and I are flooded with memories, even though so many things on campus have changed. We kind of want to follow Tennie around to her first ward social, her first day of classes, and other firsts! We promised we wouldn't, though.

We scouted the library for a good, sunny and quiet study spot and then rented a locker for her books. We all amused that her first locker ever is at BYU! I'm going to buy her a little mirror and some posters...

Ceci LOVED the library, saying over and over that she could spend HOURS in there. Someday she just might be spending hours in there!

Tennie and I have been shopping for everything she'll need in her dorm, from bedding to post-its, as well as clothes and toiletries and bike tubes and everything in between.

She's still got a list of things to do before school starts the day after Labor Day, and she officially moves into the dorm on Wednesday! This is getting very real around here!

Back to School

Sunday night we had our Back-to-School feast (which is really just a nice Sunday dinner with the presentation of a theme.) I didn't get a picture of the table, or my banner introducing our theme, but here it resides for the remainder of the school year, on our information-center bulletin board.

This seems kind of a strange school theme, but LIFE is school, and this is a good theme for life. Besides, our current prophet is hastening things along, and with all of the changes and standards he is setting, and societal influence, and cultural drift, our hope is to put our faith in God's mouthpiece, whether we understand or agree with his words at first.

We had a very good discussion about following a prophet. Genuine questions were asked and explored. But our main takeaway was this very clear warning:

Doctrine & Covenants 1:14
...the day cometh that they who will not hear the voice of the Lord, neither the voice of his servants, neither give heed to the words of the prophets and apostles, shall be cut off from among the people.

It will be a good focus this year.

Yesterday Ceci started her 8th-grade year, her final year at the charter school she loves. She threw on some summer clothes, pulled her hair into a ponytail and was off. Love this no-frills kid.

Adele has been trying to decide the right educational mix for her year. Did she want to go back to her old school? Does she want the flexibility of homeschool? Does she want concurrent enrollment classes? How can she best pursue her greatest interests? How can she prepare for college? Decisions aren't super easy for her, and we walked her through decision-making processes, but ultimately she was to make the choice. The day before school started, she made the decision to do half and half. She'll homeschool and do two blocks at her old high school. She is formulating a plan for her days, which I'll report on when in place. I admire her determination to make learning meaningful for her.
11th grade will be good.

And Tennie starts in a couple weeks at BYU! There is a lot of newness and upheaval around here lately! All good and exciting.

Daddy Daughter Summer Campout

Every summer Geoff takes the girls camping. I stay home by myself. All by myself. I love it!

They took off on a Thursday afternoon, found a beautiful, free campsite up American Fork canyon and set up camp.

Tennie was off on an adventure on her own with a friend in Rocky Mountain National Park, but Adele and Ceci took over the fire building and cooking. Geoff said he spent a lot of time in a hammock reading!

Friday they picked up a good friend, Nina, to join them. Those three girls sang Mama Mia songs at the top of their lungs,  carved spears to catch fish (rocks), did a very loud rain dance to bring on the rain (and just moments later a fierce thunder and lightening storm raged just overhead!) and other silly shenanigans. Good friends who bring out your true self are a treasure!

Morning.

I love the tea warming over the fire and Ceci's rock plate!

After exploring the woods, taking a freezing, sudsy bath in the river because of a poison oak scare and packing up, they went and jumped off the bridge in Provo canyon that they discovered during Blackberry Days.

They came home tired, dirty and full of good stories to tell. So long summer.

Family Night & Conference Club

Since this last week before school is more errands and prepping than fun, I'll do another post on how we're trying to step up our game around here.

Family Night is such a brilliant concept. We've been pretty good about being consistent, but we usually picked a topic to discuss on the fly, or we simply had a family FUN night and played games or went to a movie. Those were good times together, but we realized we could squeeze more out of this than we were. For starters, making sure Family Night happens is now Adele's responsibility. She is in charge of organizing who is teaching and making sure they know in advance and can prepare. With Tennie leaving for university in a few weeks, we've set this up for the rest of us to teach once a month. I created a list of topics for us to choose from, many coming from the skills or knowledge I identified when thinking through what we could do to help them grow spiritually, mentally, emotionally or physically. This is by no means an exhaustive list, but it will get us going for the next year or so. The girls will teach something from the For Strength of Youth each month. Our girls are great teachers already, but the opportunity to prepare and ponder a topic, and teach it in an engaging way is great practice for the many times they will teach in the future.

We're also focusing on a character trait each month. This is a weekly, rotating quote on the mirror, and we check in at the beginning of FHE to see what experiences we've had focusing on the trait. This month is self-discipline, which pairs nicely with our habits focus!

Ceci is in charge of Conference Club. We started this a few years ago, but it has been pretty hit or miss, mostly because we forget until we are sitting down. So it is Ceci's job to figure out how to make sure it happens and everyone comes to the table prepared. Basically, one person chooses a conference talk from the most recent general conference, we all come to dinner having read the talk, and the person who chose the talk facilitates a discussion as we eat. This has been a really great way to discuss each talk as a family, but we just have to do it! Ceci is on it, and her process to make it happen is in the works.

I'm realizing again that all of these ideas require a lot of following up and managing on my part, which is often hit or miss. I'm growing and fine-tuning in this process as well, and thankfully have learned that the process of growing is slow, so I don't feel a lot of impatience of discouragement! There is a lot of getting back in the saddle around here!

Summer Knowledge Challenges

We've been doing Knowledge Challenges for several years during the summer. The idea is to get the kids engaged in meaningful activities, most of which challenge them a bit. This appeals and motivates some more than others, but it exists anyway, and those who want a little extra cash have somewhere to turn.

Here are our challenges:

It is not uncommon for them to create their own challenge around something they are interested in. In my opinion, that is the best kind! I must admit, they don't jump into this Knowledge Challenge as much as I would like, but a little is better than nothing, right?

Habits

We're working on fine-tuning good habits around here. With Tennie needing cash for college, and Adele and Ceci wanting money to redecorate their soon-to-be-own rooms, we're paying for habits.  Here is the chart:

Some of these things everyone gets right 90% of the time, others need some attention. So we give 20 cents for each accomplished habit, plus an extra bonus dollar for every perfect row or column during a week. Spiritual habits we just do, no money given.

And there are standards, like our Healthy Eating Habits and Screens Guidelines. These are the hardest to get, but we keep reminding everyone that this is about improving our habits, not about the money, so even good efforts and strivings without getting cash are worthwhile.

This is a 3-month focus and we're off to a good start! 

Blackberry Days

When Geoff's parents lived in their big house on a hill in Auburn, California, there were blackberries galore in the summer. Our annual summer gatherings became Blackberry Days, and even though circumstances have changed, we still call our summer gatherings by the same name.

This year we decided to keep costs down (since we were all just together in McCall last Christmas) and do a Utah Blackberry Days, with locals staying in their own homes. While it is MUCH more fun to be in one location, or at least closer together, we still had a great time together. It just took a lot of driving!

Given that it is a HOT summer, we got in the water a lot. Pools, lakes, water fights, jumping off bridges. Anything to stay cool.

Geoff had an unfair advantage in the water balloon fight.

Until Ceci took it away!

There was a hike and a trip to BYU's campus for ice cream.

We went to a Bees game. Geoff and my carload parked at our home and took scooters. Super fun new way to get around the city!

There were side bike rides for whomever could squeeze one in.

And kid art projects.

Ceci took a lot of time to make hers a masterpiece!

The adults got away for dinner one night (and Tennie, our newest adult, joined us!)

Most of the time we picked up food and parked ourselves to eat.

There are lots of cute kids to enjoy in this family.

There were quite a few basketball games involving aunts, uncles and nieces and nephews until Mitt got knocked to the ground and couldn't remember anything in his short term memory. That was scary. Thank goodness for Liz who is a PA at an urgent care!

In my opinion, Geoff won the Greatest Uncle Award this year. He took a group to jump off the bridge, buying them whatever they wanted at In-n-Out on the way (lots of shakes!) He took any smaller kid who didn't complain and made it to the top of the hike to the dollar store (here they are planning their trip):

He bought surgical tubing for water fun, rigged up a launcher and let all the kids try, and spent hours playing in the water fun. He played basketball and let kids climb all over him. He chased and tickled. Definitely a kid's choice favorite!

Overall it was a great week of favorite people, fun and family memories. Thanks to Ian and Liz who did the planning, and for everyone sharing their photos!