After doing sales and project management for several years before getting married, I was ready to leave it all and become a full-time mother. That led into a full-time homeschooling mother, which required more sacrifice than I ever thought I was capable of! And looking back, those were the most magical and rich years of my life. After the girls were in school for a couple years we pulled them back out to travel. This year Tennie left home for college, Adele got her driver's license (a.k.a. wings to fly) and Ceci is fully engaged with school and friends. And I'm asking myself, "what do I want to do with the rest of my life?"
It never occurred to me that the at-home, non-stop motherhood phase would end, or that I would be at a place where I would need to rediscover my interests. I'm not the same person I was 18 years ago. I feel like I have way too many skills to go get a job at some store in the mall, yet I feel unqualified for a "real" job, maybe lacking a little confidence because of my lack of consistent experience. And while mothering is demanding every day while children are growing up, it is also flexible and meaningful. What can possible be as rewarding?
I've been asking myself these questions since school started last fall, but I'm not quite ready to answer them. I feel like I want some time to work on some personal and family projects that I've wanted to get to for years. I want to take some time to really reconnect with myself. Thankfully, Geoff is very supportive of allowing me time to focus on myself. And I DO still have two children at home, even if they are out with friends more and more. I don't want anything to take away from quality time I can spend with them. But in less than five years when the house is empty, I want to be ready to fill that void with something meaningful, and I want to take my time contemplating and discovering what that something will be.
This year, in an effort to reestablish habits of self-care, I am meditating every morning for 30 minutes. This has been AMAZING so far! I'm hooked. I'm also trying to get back in shape, so I'm doing yoga three times per week, walking, hiking, snowshoeing, and I even got some rollerblades for Christmas! Meditation and yoga have interested me in chakras, the power of breathing, and working on the discipline of getting my mind to be in the same place as my body (which I assure you is a monumental feat!) I'm working on mindfulness, more effectively managing my emotions and understanding the body's power to heal itself, all wrapped up in my understanding of the gospel of Jesus Christ. Having the time to slow down a bit to give myself this time is a tremendous gift. I am so grateful.
Geoff's dad and his wife, Robin, gave us and all of his siblings an emergency preparedness book for Christmas called The Prepper's Blueprint. As a family we are working on one chapter a month, having a call at the end of each month to return and report. Each chapter has a good chunk of stuff to do, but it's manageable. I have been wanting to get ourselves better prepared for a long time. We peeked in our 72-hour kits at Christmas and saw we had size 4 clothing in there! It is time to update! This family project is a commitment of time, and it is our priority this year.
Geoff and I have a personal goal to learn to live by a budget. I mean, we've always known about how much we spend and where it goes, but we want to learn to be more aggressively accountable for our money, and we're trying to teach the girls as we go. Maybe I'll write about that more in another post.
Adele and Ceci both want to become active in their talent agency again. They are old enough to invest a little more into developing skills. This is a fun diversion as well as good, quick money. We've spent the last few weeks doing what it takes to reengage, and hopefully they'll have some fun opportunities soon.
So while life on the surface feels still, there is a lot going on under the surface. It is the perfect place to be during these winter months!
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