Nine years ago, when we spent a year in Southern France, it was like we disappeared from the world. We didn't have phones, we didn't know anyone, the girls weren't in school, and we were an hour from the nearest ward and had no commitments to serve in the church or community. We didn't have any local friends (except the homeless guy at the market who spoke English and the Italian fruit vendors at the fresh marché) and no nearby family. It was just us.
Geoff was sick at the time, I had just started the homeschooling adventure, and there were plenty of other challenges related to living abroad, but we had no outside responsibilities or commitments determining the use of our time or energy. While still very busy and full, life remained uncomplicated.
I was surprised to see the difference an absence of outside demands made on my own wellbeing and the dynamic in our family. Not only with regards to time and simplicity, but cultural expectations that drive us to urgency. At that time, I wondered at primary school grade level expectations. If a child takes his/her time learning a skill, such as reading for example, the cultural message is to work harder with flashcards, maybe a tutor, and you better hurry or he/she will fall behind, instead of allowing the child's brain to develop naturally, and trusting that it will.
When we moved to Geoff's parent's home for three and a half years, we had a few more responsibilities and we had some friends, but we still lived in a marvelous little bubble of happiness and simplicity. Still no phones, Geoff wasn't working, yet, and we lived in the country.
In Salt Lake, now home, life eventually revved up to full speed. We got phones, the girls went into school, Geoff began working again, we had busy church responsibilities, we have neighbor, friend and family relationships and commitments, and we live with city traffic and bustle. Often at home I don't feel I can be my best self. I feel like I'm on a fast train and want to get off to catch my breath, but there are no stops. I struggle to simplify life, I'm not successfully on top of things and I feel tired a lot.
I've wondered if this is because of those five years of life that seemed to move at a slower pace (although busy). Maybe I have an unrealistic expectation of life. Or maybe I just glimpsed what life could be like.
We came to New Zealand to spend that uninterrupted time together. No sights to see while at this beach and no commitments. I must admit it feels heavenly! For the first time in months we are on a bit of a schedule with getting some schoolwork done; we eat three meals a day again; we open the garage and ride our bikes a block to the beach; we have time to read or play games; we sit around and talk about things; we all meditate together before going to bed. My internal knots of stress and urgency are beginning to unravel.
I would desire this time for every family I know. Go somewhere remote, even if it isn't super far away, just far enough away from people you know. Stay for at least a month, maybe three, if you can swing it. Take time off of work and find replacements for your responsibilities in church, school or the community so your phone is silent, your inbox empty and your thoughts free. Limit screen time for everyone. Take a suitcase of good books and games and art supplies. Explore the area. Find local markets and rent bikes or scooters for the whole stay. Make sure there is outside space for kids to be free and explore their new, unfamiliar surroundings. Learn something new together: history, marine biology, astronomy, cooking new foods, a sport or watercolor. Let yourself and your kids feel bored. Kids turn to each other and their imaginations after awhile, and creative play really takes flight. And breathe for a good long time.
I'm beginning to see some things more clearly. Stepping away from one's reality in a calm and open way gives perspective. I still don't know what I can cut out at home, but I am grateful to be off the train for awhile, and to see more meaning in some of the commitments and people in my life.
Geoff was sick at the time, I had just started the homeschooling adventure, and there were plenty of other challenges related to living abroad, but we had no outside responsibilities or commitments determining the use of our time or energy. While still very busy and full, life remained uncomplicated.
I was surprised to see the difference an absence of outside demands made on my own wellbeing and the dynamic in our family. Not only with regards to time and simplicity, but cultural expectations that drive us to urgency. At that time, I wondered at primary school grade level expectations. If a child takes his/her time learning a skill, such as reading for example, the cultural message is to work harder with flashcards, maybe a tutor, and you better hurry or he/she will fall behind, instead of allowing the child's brain to develop naturally, and trusting that it will.
When we moved to Geoff's parent's home for three and a half years, we had a few more responsibilities and we had some friends, but we still lived in a marvelous little bubble of happiness and simplicity. Still no phones, Geoff wasn't working, yet, and we lived in the country.
In Salt Lake, now home, life eventually revved up to full speed. We got phones, the girls went into school, Geoff began working again, we had busy church responsibilities, we have neighbor, friend and family relationships and commitments, and we live with city traffic and bustle. Often at home I don't feel I can be my best self. I feel like I'm on a fast train and want to get off to catch my breath, but there are no stops. I struggle to simplify life, I'm not successfully on top of things and I feel tired a lot.
I've wondered if this is because of those five years of life that seemed to move at a slower pace (although busy). Maybe I have an unrealistic expectation of life. Or maybe I just glimpsed what life could be like.
We came to New Zealand to spend that uninterrupted time together. No sights to see while at this beach and no commitments. I must admit it feels heavenly! For the first time in months we are on a bit of a schedule with getting some schoolwork done; we eat three meals a day again; we open the garage and ride our bikes a block to the beach; we have time to read or play games; we sit around and talk about things; we all meditate together before going to bed. My internal knots of stress and urgency are beginning to unravel.
I would desire this time for every family I know. Go somewhere remote, even if it isn't super far away, just far enough away from people you know. Stay for at least a month, maybe three, if you can swing it. Take time off of work and find replacements for your responsibilities in church, school or the community so your phone is silent, your inbox empty and your thoughts free. Limit screen time for everyone. Take a suitcase of good books and games and art supplies. Explore the area. Find local markets and rent bikes or scooters for the whole stay. Make sure there is outside space for kids to be free and explore their new, unfamiliar surroundings. Learn something new together: history, marine biology, astronomy, cooking new foods, a sport or watercolor. Let yourself and your kids feel bored. Kids turn to each other and their imaginations after awhile, and creative play really takes flight. And breathe for a good long time.
I'm beginning to see some things more clearly. Stepping away from one's reality in a calm and open way gives perspective. I still don't know what I can cut out at home, but I am grateful to be off the train for awhile, and to see more meaning in some of the commitments and people in my life.
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